Valerie and Conrad run 'Don't Mess' Security Services. They are slightly worn out versions of hardcore 'Bouncers'. Val is all bling and no brains, the rather short & plump over-dressed boss, while Conrad, the quiet Beckhamesque sidekick, is deep, intellectual and has a weakness for fine art.

The Bouncers spot some potential trouble

Having been thrown out of many nightclubs and Lidls, they have limped to Cornwall still believing in what they do despite what you have read about them in the tabloids. "We are here to provide a service for you, to protect you from you yourself. We are the clothes police, the style council...we are the world, we are the children and we're here to make the world a better place..."

Direct from Pool market they are here to confiscate, humiliate, gesticulate and exonerate...while they still dream of working for Fat Boy Slim.